Henrico County VA
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A nest refilled

Henrico couple fosters dozens of children
A young visitor enjoys the festivities
at CCC’s holiday party
At the age of eight, Jamie Murray turned to his parents one day and asked why he didn't have any brothers or sisters.

Retta and Ben Murray responded by contacting Henrico County's Department of Social Services, and before long, Jamie had himself a foster sibling.

But the Murrays didn't stop there. Two years later, they began working with Commonwealth Catholic Charities' Refugee Resettlement program, taking in children who have come to the United States from countries that include Haiti, Guatemala, Honduras, North Korea and Sudan.

In the years since, Jamie Murray (now 21) has had an estimated 50 or 60 siblings come to live in his home, for periods ranging from an overnight or weekend to seven years.

At a holiday party held last month for CCC foster families, Ben Murray joined his wife in reminiscing about their first 13 years as foster parents, and noted with amusement that Jamie was not quite so gung ho about having siblings later on -- even hinting occasionally that his parents could quit fostering any time.

His later reluctance was only natural, remarked Ben, considering that Jamie's earlier siblings were playmates and often younger than he was, "so he was a big brother."

"But then," added Ben, "they became teens with attitudes, and he was not so sure."

No empty nest
His parents, on the other hand, are quite sure they want to continue fostering.

In December they were fostering a 15-year-old from Mexico, an 18-year-old from Ecuador, and a 16-year-old from The Congo.

Although their charges are teenagers and young adults, they tend to demand more time and attention than typical foster children.

"They have more drama in their life," said Ben. "Or something traumatic has happened. Some don't know if their mother or father is dead or alive. Especially the Sudanese, because they came from a war-torn country."

As Julie Atkinson of CCC pointed out in a September announcement about the resettlement program, "Most kids [at back-to-school time] are worried about classes, clothes and seeing friends again.

"For refugee kids in foster care, the concerns are much bigger. They are learning a new language, new customs, and a new way of life."

An employee of the Richmond Sheriffs Office, Ben said that his wife was formerly a private duty nurse, but now stays home to be a full-time mom. Her days are filled with errands and appointments, from obtaining immunizations, physical exams and ADD medication for the children, to transporting them to psychological counseling and therapy.

Asked why they would continue to foster special-needs children at a time when other parents of college students are reveling in their empty nests, Ben answered with the reason they got involved with CCC in the first place.

"We knew there was a need," he said simply.

‘They’ve all taught us something new’
Among the most challenging tasks Ben and Retta have faced was fostering a child who kept running away or coming in after curfew.

"Every weekend it was a challenge," said Ben. "Every time I turned around I had Henrico police in front of my door."

"I told him, 'If we're going to be here to watch over you, we need to know where you are,'" said Retta; while Ben would admonish, "I can't raise you up in the street."

Sharing space with the more rebellious foster children was hard on Jamie, said Ben.

"He would get upset when they'd get sassy or smart or disrespectful," said Ben. "But I would just tell him, 'Me and Mama are going to handle that.'"

Although they eventually had to send the runaway back to his caseworker, most of the Murray children have thrived in their care and are appreciative. Ben said he will never forget the North Korean boy of about 14 who would back out of the room bowing after dinner, to show his respect and gratitude for the meal.

Building relationships with youth from varied backgrounds and cultures has benefited the Murrays as well, said Ben. "We've had [children from] a lot of different countries," said Ben, "and they've all taught us something new."

In addition to learning to cook foods from many nations, they have enjoyed introducing the children to new foods -- of which fried chicken is the hands-down favorite -- and teaching them skills such as helping with car care and yard work.

They have also had the satisfaction of seeing the children progress from speaking no English to mastering the language, and looking on as they hold down jobs, graduate high school, and go to college.

Best of all, said Ben, is seeing the children "adopt good family values over the years, and continue to live a good Christian life."

The Murrays keep in touch with former foster children all over the country, including one that they visited while in Florida on vacation, and another who recently flew in from Arizona to see them.

The one in Florida, said Ben, calls about once a week. "And if he doesn't call us, we call him!"

Asked what advice he would give to someone considering foster parenting, Ben acknowledged that the experience is not for everyone.

"People should really search their heart and make sure they're willing," he said, "because it will be different! You really have to be passionate, loving, caring and understanding, because a lot of time kids do [hurtful] things -- not meaning any harm."

And the return for dealing with those "things kids do"?

"Being a foster parent is off the scale," said Ben Murray with a smile. "It's work, but it's rewarding.

"It's really a joy.”
Community

Rotary donates to ‘Bright Beginnings’

The Sandston Rotary Club recently donated $1,000 to the Sandston YMCA for its Bright Beginnings program, which helps provide children in need with school supplies for the new school year. > Read more.

Author, child abuse survivor to speak at Henrico event

To help celebrate twenty years of service to advocating for abused and neglected children in Henrico County, Henrico Court Appointed Special Advocates, Inc. (CASA) will host an evening with bestselling author K.L. Randis on Tuesday, Aug. 26, from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. at Belmont Recreation Center in Lakeside.

Randis is best known for her bestselling novel, Spilled Milk, which tells her painful – but ultimately triumphant – personal story of abuse and of child abuse prevention. The book is her first novel.

The event is free to the public, but seating is limited Reservations may be made by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Belmon Recreation Center is located at 1600 Hilliard Road. > Read more.

Philippines ambassador to the US visits Filipino Festival in Henrico


The Ambassador of the Philippines to the United States Jose L. Cuisia, Jr. attended the Ninth Annual Filipino Festival at Our Lady of Lourdes Church earlier this month. Cuisia (pictured above with festival performers) was welcomed by County Manager John Vithoulkas and Brookland District Supervisor Dick Glover (below) at the church, which is located in Lakeside.

While enjoying some of the cultural performances at the festival, the ambassador and his wife had a private lunch with Vithoulkas, Glover, Eldon Burton (an outreach representative from U.S. Senator Mark R. Warner’s Office) and Father James Begley, the pastor of OLL. > Read more.

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Entertainment

Restaurant watch

Find out how your favorite dining establishments fared during their most recent inspections by the Virginia Department of Health. > Read more.

Cultural Arts Center seeks artists, designs for holiday displays

The Cultural Arts Center at Glen Allen is seeking artists, crafters, and creative groups for three opportunities allowing creative thinkers and doers to design and display imaginative holiday decorations.

The center is seeking designs for:

• Illumination 2014 – A Festival of Trees: Artists can celebrate the holiday season by creating a one-of-a-kind Christmas tree filled with decorations to suit any unique or traditional theme. Past trees exhibited have included Buzz Lightyear; HEROES; Santa tree; Musicology; and many others. > Read more.

Weekend Top 10


There are several fun events planned for families this weekend. CMoR Central will offer free admission to those who have completed their HCPL Summer Reading Club goal; Walkerton Tavern is hosting a family game night; and family-friendly karaoke will take place at Aunt Sarah’s. Families can also get Movin’ & Groovin’ at Dorey Park or purchase children’s books at Tuckahoe Library. For all our top picks this weekend, click here! > Read more.

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Walkerton Tavern, 2892 Mountain Rd., will host a Family Game Night from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Enjoy an evening playing indoor and outdoor games with the family. Admission is… Full text

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