Henrico County VA

Everyday rituals provide children with sense of connection

The summer wind-down has begun, and back-to-school season is shifting into high gear.

Whether the end of summer inspires dread (hectic mornings and homework struggles) or glee (more free time while the kids are in school) – or both – the start of a new school year is a good time for parents to pause and think for a moment about family culture and how to give children a sense of being supported and connected.

One of the best ways to provide this sense of security is to build little rituals into everyday family life – something that provides a momentary oasis of calm and predictability before (and after) your child goes out into the world.

Just about every family has holiday traditions and rituals for special occasions, whether it’s “we always go to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving” to the ceremonial carving of the Easter ham.

But what can we do to make the mundane and everyday special?

Mornings
In some homes, the morning ritual begins with the wake-up. I have heard of families that play the same personalized music mix every morning, or even sing their own family version of Reveille with silly lyrics incorporating the kids’ names. (The music mix can also act as a motivational aid, letting the children know – without parental nagging – that by the time a certain selection plays, they need to be dressed or at the breakfast table.)

At breakfast, rituals can include the usual items such as a prayer or blessing; a piece of cinnamon toast bearing a happy face; or a greeting using the child’s pet name (I used “Lee-Lee” and “Laniebug” for my daughters Leah and Lanie) or silliest nickname (“Hotdog” for Jackie, my daredevil child).

Even a silly morning joke (“Will you be having giraffes or elephants sprinkled on your cereal today?”) can become a cherished ritual, as well as a source of creative, get-the-juices flowing conversation as kids seek to come up with ever-more-absurd comebacks. (“No, I’m more in the mood for aardvarks today.”)

Another great way to make children feel a sense of security and belonging is to reminisce about their babyhoods – a subtle reminder of their rootedness in the family and the way they have been loved and cherished since birth.

One of my favorite stories about daughter Jackie recalls her habit as a one-year-old of waking up in the pre-dawn hours and letting me know loudly that she was ready to start her day. On one such bleary-eyed morning, I pointed to her bedroom window in desperation and told her that once the sun was up, she could wake me.

The next morning, I could hear Jackie stirring before dawn and knew she was standing in her crib, searching for that first sliver of sun edging over horizon. Sure enough, I soon heard her crow proudly, “Sun’s up, Mommy! Come get me!”

Oh, how I loved to remind Jackie of this in her middle school days, when she would have preferred to sleep in. And even on her grouchier mornings, greeting her with a “Sun’s up, Jackie!” almost always drew a sheepish smile.

Send-off rituals
As for goodbye rituals, I know parents of younger children who give them special wallets with family pictures inside to start the school year, and send them off every morning with the reminder that “I’m in your pocket” and that the wallet can be patted whenever the child feels the need.

Other parents may choose to send their children off with a one-sentence Prayer of Protection, while still others might like to count a few kisses into their child’s palm and add the words, “Now close up your hand, and keep those kisses close all day!”

In my own family, we had a “squeeze you to pieces” ritual that sprang out of a random affectionate moment when I told my toddler daughter, “Oh, I could just squeeze you to pieces!” After a few such hugs, the literal meaning of the statement suddenly dawned on her one day, and she looked alarmed. “Mommy, put me back together!” she demanded.

After that, the squeezing ritual always ended with exaggerated slapping and patting moments as I picked up the “pieces” and put her back together – and even now, the phrase can still elicit a laugh with my grown-up girls.

Homecoming
At the end of a long day, the best homecoming rituals are calming ones, of course. As a tea lover, I can’t think of a better calming ritual than tea time.

When my daughters were in preschool and elementary school – before the after-school sports began – we did tea almost daily. At that age, a simple box of sugar cubes and a pair of silver tongs (only seen at tea time) was a much-anticipated treat, as was the ceremony of steeping and stirring and plunking in the cubes – and talking about our days.

But don’t think for a moment that tea time only works with girls. I had friends who raised two sons with a daily tea time ritual that took place when Dad (an Anglophile) arrived home at 4:30.

From the time they could toddle to the table, the boys were expected to sit in for at least a few moments of the ceremonial pouring and sipping, and to join in the adult conversation. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that both of these boys grew up to be not only the most polite and gentlemanly young men that you could ever hope to meet, but also articulate, accomplished students.

Some parents save the most precious after-school treats for rainy days, and keep special books and games in reserve, only to be used when weather is dreary and children are feeling confined. Or they bring out the special snacks and activities for rainy days, like popping popcorn (the old-fashioned way).

Random moments
Among the best everyday rituals, in my opinion, are those that are unscheduled and take place at random moments throughout the day. One of the coolest random rituals I’ve heard of is the family dance break. In this musical family’s home, whenever a good dancing song comes on, any family member can call out “dance break!” – requiring everyone to drop what they’re doing and meet in the den for some spontaneous dancing and laughing.

In my own family, we had a random ritual known as the hug alarm. Anyone who had a sudden need for a hug could simply start making a noise like a fire engine siren or other alarm, and everyone was supposed to drop what they were doing and come running to supply a hug.

As for bedtime and dinnertime, we will have to save those those rife-with-rituals times of day for separate columns to allow enough space for the topic. As always, I hope readers will write and share some of their family rituals, and perhaps help other families who are searching for inspiration to develop their own.

And as you develop these rituals, keep in mind that some will grow out of spontaneous moments (like squeezing to pieces) and some might be developed by your children themselves.

One of my favorite ritual stories is about the harried single mom who came home from work one day to find that her preteen sons had, on a whim, set up a “happy hour” of lemonade, cheese and crackers.

Now, at the end of a bad day, she will call and ask her boys, “Could we have a happy hour today?”
Community

Local couple wins wedding at Lewis Ginter


Richmonders Jim Morgan and Dan Stackhouse were married at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden in Lakeside Mar. 7 month after winning the Say I Do! With OutRVA wedding contest in February. The contest was open to LGBT couples in recognition of Virginia’s marriage equality law, which took effect last fall. The wedding included a package valued at $25,000.

Morgan and Stackhouse, who became engaged last fall on the day marriage equality became the law in Virginia, have been together for 16 years. They were selected from among 40 couples who registered for the contest. The winners were announced at the Say I Do! Dessert Soiree at the Renaissance in Richmond in February. > Read more.

Fourth-annual Healy Gala planned


The Fourth Annual Healy Gala will be held Saturday, Apr. 11, at The Cultural Arts Center at Glen Allen from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m.

The event was created to honor Michael Healy, a local businessman and community leader who died suddenly in June 2011, and to endow the Mike Healy Scholarship (through the Glen Allen Ruritan Club), which benefits students of Glen Allen High School.

Healy served as the chairman of Glen Allen Day for several years and helped raise thousands of dollars for local charities and organizations. > Read more.

Ruritan Club holding Brunswick stew sale


The Richmond Battlefield Ruritan Club is holding a Brunswick stew sale, with orders accepted through March 13 and pick-up available March 14. The cost is $8 per quart.

Pick-up will be at noon, March 14, at the Richmond Heights Civic Center, 7440 Wilton Road in Varina.

To place an order, call Mike at (804) 795- 7327 or Jim at (804) 795-9116. > Read more.

Page 1 of 124 pages  1 2 3 >  Last ›

Entertainment

Weekend Top 10


Two events this weekend benefit man’s best friend – a rabies clinic, sponsored by the Glendale Ruritan Club, and an American Red Cross Canine First Aid & CPR workshop at Alpha Dog Club. The fifth annual Shelby Rocks “Cancer is a Drag” Womanless Pageant will benefit the American Cancer Society and a spaghetti luncheon on Sunday will benefit the Eastern Henrico Ruritan Club. Twin Hickory Library will also host a used book sale this weekend with proceeds benefiting The Friends of the Twin Hickory Library. For all our top picks this weekend, click here! > Read more.

A taste of Japan

Ichiban offers rich Asian flavors, but portions lack

In a spot that could be easily overlooked is a surprising, and delicious, Japanese restaurant. In a tiny nook in the shops at the corner of Ridgefield Parkway and Pump Road sits a welcoming, warm and comfortable Asian restaurant called Ichiban, which means “the best.”

The restaurant, tucked between a couple others in the Gleneagles Shopping Center, was so quiet and dark that it was difficult to tell if it was open at 6:30 p.m. on a Monday. When I opened the door, I smiled when I looked inside. > Read more.

One beauty of a charmer

Disney’s no-frills, live-action ‘Cinderella’ delights

Cinderella is the latest from Disney’s new moviemaking battle plan: producing live-action adaptations of all their older classics. Which is a plan that’s had questionable results in the past.

Alice in Wonderland bloated with more Tim Burton goth-pop than the inside of a Hot Topic. Maleficent was a step in the right direction, but the movie couldn’t decide if Maleficent should be a hero or a villain (even if she should obviously be a villain) and muddled itself into mediocrity.

Cinderella is much better. Primarily, because it’s just Cinderella. No radical rebooting. No Tim Burton dreck. It’s the 1950 Disney masterpiece, transposed into live action and left almost entirely untouched. > Read more.

Page 1 of 122 pages  1 2 3 >  Last ›







 

Reader Survey | Advertising | Email updates

Classifieds

Highspeed Internet EVERYWHERE By Satellite! Speeds up to 12mbps! (200x faster than dial-up.) Starting at $49.95/mo. CALL NOW & GO FAST! 1-888-685-2016
Full text

Place an Ad | More Classifieds

Calendar

The Latin Ballet will present “Macondo,” a performing arts interpretation based on the novel “Cien Anos de Soledad” (One Hundred Years of Solitude) written by Nobel prize-winning author Gabriel Garcia… Full text

Your weather just got better.

Henricopedia

Henrico's Top Teachers