Henrico County VA

Early starts best – but late starts possible when raising slow kids

Years ago, when columnist John Rosemond was about to become a grandfather, he wrote a column giving his son, Eric, just two pieces of advice about fatherhood.

Although I am not a Rosemond worshipper by any stretch of the imagination, and cannot even recall the second piece of advice, one piece has remained chiseled into my brain for life.

Rosemond’s suggestion to his son? To lock up the TV set until his child entered school.

The idea might seem radical, but it grew out of Rosemond’s own difficult experience raising Eric. After learning that he was failing third grade, Rosemond and his wife imposed a number of changes in household rules and routines. Convinced that Eric’s TV-watching habit was the chief contributor to his problems, they decided not just to limit the family’s viewing; they gave the family TV set away.

The results were dramatic and almost instantaneous, writes Rosemond in his book, Parent Power.

Eric and his sister began playing more creatively and calmly, and sibling conflicts – typically fights over TV shows – lessened remarkably.

“Undoubtedly, some of the improvement was due to the other changes we were making,” writes Rosemond. “But I’m convinced that the single most critical variable in Eric’s rehabilitation was the sudden and complete absence of television in his life.”

Ben Carson, the famed surgeon, tells the story of a similar dramatic turnaround in his own life.

Carson and his brother were raised in poverty on the streets of Detroit by a single, teenage mother who had little education; but she was one smart mom and was determined to raise them right. When her son fell behind in school, she took away both boys’ TV privileges and instructed them to read two books a week, write reports, and read them aloud to her (because she couldn’t read herself).

Within a year or two, Carson says, he went from being considered “the dumbest kid in fifth grade” to one of the top students in seventh grade. The benefits spilled over into his personal life, and he began to devise ways to outsmart street thugs, deal with racism and keep his temper in check -- eventually going on to Yale and a career as a gifted surgeon and best-selling author.

Leading children to addiction?
Of course, both the Carson and the Rosemond children grew up in an era when TV was the main time-waster and source of addiction for vulnerable children. Today, the gallery of addictive devices has expanded to Nintendos, X-Boxes, PlayStations, computer games and all manner of handhelds and cell phone games. And often, it is the parents themselves buying the items that lead their children to addiction. As Stephen Moore lamented in a 2008 Wall Street Journal column, addiction to video games can turn even “normal, sports-loving adolescents” into demons who rant, rage and curse and throw things when deprived of their toy. “My teenage sons have been abducted, and I want them back,” wrote Moore.

After discovering Xbox and online war games, the boys began spending five or six hours at a time in front of the computer screen, said Moore, and “withdrawing ever deeper” into violent fantasy worlds. Other parents told Moore that their children were so addicted that they had stopped bathing and taking bathroom breaks and were skipping meals and foregoing sleep.

“Computer games are the new crack cocaine,” said Moore, who said he wished he had never let one in the house. “A mind really is a terrible thing to waste.”

Yes, you might say, but what about all the benefits of video and computer games? What about the research that says video games can help train pilots by enhancing eye hand coordination and reaction time?

So I’ve heard – just as I’ve heard that video games have been shown to benefit persons with special needs and disabilities.

I still believe that video games have absolutely no place in early childhood, and that any screen time for preschoolers should be parceled out in only the tiniest of doses.

Computer games, video games, TV and other manufactured forms of entertainment are not merely useless when it comes to educating children, or preparing them for school or adulthood. When allowed to replace active, hands-on learning experiences that are crucial to neurological and physical development, they are downright toxic.

It’s not the content that harms kids as much as the passive habits induced by too much screen time – especially for the preschool set.

What red-blooded American kid, after all, is going to be motivated to read, explore, or get psyched about school when he’s spent his formative years pushing a button and mainlining his entertainment – without making a move?

Taking the right path early
It’s not hard to figure out that keeping kids free of screen-time addiction is best done in the early years. And if you start them down the right path when they are toddlers, it’s a piece of cake compared to the Rosemond and Carson interventions.

One of the moms who wrote in response to a previous “Slow Kids” column told me that her home is decorated in “Tinker Toys and Legos in various stages of build” – reminding me of my girls’ pre-Lego years, when I used to joke that my house was decorated in “Early Fisher-Price.”

In the toddler years, all it takes is a few good toys and a little help from parents – okay, some days it’s a lot of help! – to get kids into a routine of playing with puzzles and blocks instead of watching TV. (Note, Mom and Dad, that this is easier if the TV is not the focal point of the living area, and is not watched non-stop by adults). I have known some families to keep their TV in a closet or an out-of-the-way room, but my girls’ dad wouldn’t hear of such a thing, so our television was typically secured in a cabinet with a child lock all day.

I can’t begin to list all the benefits of this nearly TV-free lifestyle for my children, but, like Rosemond, I consider it the
central reason that they grew up to be good students, responsible adults and hard workers.

The lack of TV also had some nice, unexpected side effects – such as the minimal amount of begging I heard at holiday time. The other moms in my playgroup complained of relentless whining from their kids for cartoon-inspired and commercially-promoted toys and junk cereals. My kids? They barely knew such things existed.

But perhaps best of all, the absence of TV brought out all the childhood traits that were so enjoyable for me to observe as a parent: the girls’ curiosity, initiative and creativity.

I’ll never forget the neighbor child who came over one day to play with my six-year-old, and who greeted me by marching to our TV set and flipping it on without a word.

After I had informed her that parents turned on the TV set in our house, and reminded her that she had come to “play,” my daughter – realizing that she and her sisters had an extra playmate – launched into one of their make-believe games. I can’t remember if the game was “store,” “restaurant,” “school,” or “college girls,” but in no time my three were deep in their fantasy – and the neighbor child was watching in open-mouthed astonishment.

Wide-eyed and completely dumbfounded, she looked at me and asked, “What are they doing?”

I felt bad for her – and felt resentment toward parents who would rely so heavily on plug-in toys that their daughter had been deprived of the “let’s pretend” experience.

Today, 20 years later, I can’t bear to think how many more children are growing up deprived of books, blocks, puzzles and make-believe because their homes are full of gadgets that do the imagining for them. Too often, parents are buying these computer games and gadgets – envisioning them as vehicles for family entertainment, or thinking that having the latest game will keep their kids occupied and or even give them an edge.

So in the next “Slow Kids” column, we’ll examine some of the myths surrounding different forms of electronic entertainment, and take a look at the educational value of computer games, videos and lapware.

Till then, here’s to the life unplugged!
Community

Local couple wins wedding at Lewis Ginter


Richmonders Jim Morgan and Dan Stackhouse were married at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden in Lakeside Mar. 7 month after winning the Say I Do! With OutRVA wedding contest in February. The contest was open to LGBT couples in recognition of Virginia’s marriage equality law, which took effect last fall. The wedding included a package valued at $25,000.

Morgan and Stackhouse, who became engaged last fall on the day marriage equality became the law in Virginia, have been together for 16 years. They were selected from among 40 couples who registered for the contest. The winners were announced at the Say I Do! Dessert Soiree at the Renaissance in Richmond in February. > Read more.

Fourth-annual Healy Gala planned


The Fourth Annual Healy Gala will be held Saturday, Apr. 11, at The Cultural Arts Center at Glen Allen from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m.

The event was created to honor Michael Healy, a local businessman and community leader who died suddenly in June 2011, and to endow the Mike Healy Scholarship (through the Glen Allen Ruritan Club), which benefits students of Glen Allen High School.

Healy served as the chairman of Glen Allen Day for several years and helped raise thousands of dollars for local charities and organizations. > Read more.

Ruritan Club holding Brunswick stew sale


The Richmond Battlefield Ruritan Club is holding a Brunswick stew sale, with orders accepted through March 13 and pick-up available March 14. The cost is $8 per quart.

Pick-up will be at noon, March 14, at the Richmond Heights Civic Center, 7440 Wilton Road in Varina.

To place an order, call Mike at (804) 795- 7327 or Jim at (804) 795-9116. > Read more.

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Entertainment

Weekend Top 10


Two events this weekend benefit man’s best friend – a rabies clinic, sponsored by the Glendale Ruritan Club, and an American Red Cross Canine First Aid & CPR workshop at Alpha Dog Club. The fifth annual Shelby Rocks “Cancer is a Drag” Womanless Pageant will benefit the American Cancer Society and a spaghetti luncheon on Sunday will benefit the Eastern Henrico Ruritan Club. Twin Hickory Library will also host a used book sale this weekend with proceeds benefiting The Friends of the Twin Hickory Library. For all our top picks this weekend, click here! > Read more.

A taste of Japan

Ichiban offers rich Asian flavors, but portions lack

In a spot that could be easily overlooked is a surprising, and delicious, Japanese restaurant. In a tiny nook in the shops at the corner of Ridgefield Parkway and Pump Road sits a welcoming, warm and comfortable Asian restaurant called Ichiban, which means “the best.”

The restaurant, tucked between a couple others in the Gleneagles Shopping Center, was so quiet and dark that it was difficult to tell if it was open at 6:30 p.m. on a Monday. When I opened the door, I smiled when I looked inside. > Read more.

One beauty of a charmer

Disney’s no-frills, live-action ‘Cinderella’ delights

Cinderella is the latest from Disney’s new moviemaking battle plan: producing live-action adaptations of all their older classics. Which is a plan that’s had questionable results in the past.

Alice in Wonderland bloated with more Tim Burton goth-pop than the inside of a Hot Topic. Maleficent was a step in the right direction, but the movie couldn’t decide if Maleficent should be a hero or a villain (even if she should obviously be a villain) and muddled itself into mediocrity.

Cinderella is much better. Primarily, because it’s just Cinderella. No radical rebooting. No Tim Burton dreck. It’s the 1950 Disney masterpiece, transposed into live action and left almost entirely untouched. > Read more.

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Twin Hickory Library will host a used book sale from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. March 27-28. Children’s books will be sold on Saturday only. Sales benefit the Friends of… Full text

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